You Can Only Do What You Have Been Given Power To Do

You can only do what you have been given power to do.  I definitely do not have the grace to be celibate, so I am in the process of transitioning out of being a monk.  

I have been struggling with this question for years.  This is not a brash decision.  In consultation with my spiritual director I arrived at this point.  All things considered, it is not surprising to be leaving for this reason.  

In addition to spiritual direction, I've read quite a bit about celibacy and sexuality.  In that reading, I found the confirmation that celibacy is not something you can live if you don't have the grace for it.  

Consequently, after I move out of the hermitage, which will probably be in a few weeks, I expect to return to dating.  Someday I hope and pray that I'll get married.  

In the meantime, I have been well supported by my fellow monks who are wishing me well.  While they have said they're disappointed I'm leaving, they're supporting me in the discernment decision I've made.  

I've also been marvelously supported by the community of oblates.  These lay people who live out contemplative practices in their everyday lives are warmly encouraging me to become an oblate, which I plan to do.  

It's a tremendous help knowing I will be part of the extended spiritual community of the hermitage.  I had been dreading giving up so many of the benefits of living here, namely the spiritual community, the communal prayer, the silence, and the solitude, among so many other blessings.  However, now I realize that God still will be bestowing so many of these blessings on me, partly through the oblate community, and partly since I will be coming back to visit the hermitage.  

I'm also immensely comforted knowing, in the midst of my final discernment decision to stop being a monk, that God loves me after this decision I am making.  In today's Gospel, Jesus looked with love at the rich young man who told Jesus that he had kept all of the commandments and who asked what else he needed to do.  Then Jesus told him that he lacked one thing; He told the rich young man that if he wished to be perfect, to go and sell all he had and he would have treasure in Heaven.  Then Jesus told the rich young man to follow Him, but the rich young man went away sad.*  Yet Jesus still loved him.  And Jesus loves me after this decision I am making to stop being a monk.  

After the rich young man went away sad, Jesus remarked about how hard it was for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God.  Jesus noted that it was easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God.  Then Jesus explained that what is impossible for people, is possible for God.  What you can't do without grace, you can do with grace.  However, you have to be given that grace, and I have not been given the grace to be celibate, so it's impossible for me to be a monk.  However, I am still loved, by my fellow monks, by the extended spiritual community including the oblates, and most of all by God.  Therefore I will be leaving the hermitage full of love.  

* Mark 10:17-27 

Who Am I?

Who am I?  Why am I here on this earth?  Many people ask themselves these questions.  Some people more specifically ask what God is calling them to do.  Every person is called by God to a particular vocation.  A person can define his or her vocation as the specific ministry, work or pursuit to which God is calling that particular person. 

Last weekend here at the hermitage, we had a retreat for persons aged 18 to 30 who are trying to discern their vocations.  Father Raniero, Brother Bede, Father Cyprian and a lay religious teacher led the retreat.  I was able to sit in on the sessions and offer some thoughts during some of the discussions. 

People could sign up for this particular retreat while discerning various vocations.  Those who attend this vocation discernment retreat might wonder if God has been calling them to marriage.  Another participant might feel called to consecrated religious life as a nun, monk, friar or priest.  Yet another attendee might be discerning whether to apply to graduate school. 

As usual with preached retreats here at the hermitage, participants arrived on Friday afternoon.  During the Friday evening session, Brother Bede offered some general thoughts on discerning one's vocation.  Attendees received some brief excerpts on vocation and spiritual identity to read in anticipation of the next morning's session.

During the Saturday morning session, Father Cyprian guided our guests through a couple of the writings.  We discussed the reality that each of us has a choice.  We are given many chances to decide whether we are going to do what is common and what is expected from others.  At times doing so may be necessary and other times superfluous.  We decide whether we are going to do what nourishes our souls.  We can choose to try to listen to God, who is calling us to utilize the gifts He has given us, to glorify Him and to serve our neighbor, and thus pursue genuine joy.  We can elect to try to be who we are meant to be, who God has intended us to be and has planned for us to further become. 

In the afternoon, participants had opportunities to receive spiritual direction from monks.  They got to speak with monks about their discernment, consequently receiving spiritual accompaniment with attendant insight and questions to guide them and spur further thought, to aid them in their discernment. 

Later in the afternoon, these retreatants learned about lectio divina, a monastic practice toward reading the Bible and listening to God through the Word.  Insofar as God speaks to us through the Word, and seeks to guide us through the Word, lectio divina is helpful as one proceeds in discernment of one's vocation. 

On Saturday night, we got to know the vocation discernment retreatants a little better during a social gathering.  Over fruit, cheese and crackers, we talked about our spiritual journeys and whatever else happened to come up as we socialized. 

In the final session on Sunday morning, our guests shared with us what they learned during this vocation discernment retreat.  Amongst thoughts we heard expressed, we heard some say that they feel called to pray to God.  We also heard the realization that one can't go it alone, that one can't rely on oneself.  As is often the case when people stay here at the hermitage, we heard hopes too of, upon leaving here, continuing to feel some of the peace felt here. 

After someone experienced peace, he wanted more peace.  What we wish, we seek.  What we seek in the praise and service of God, we will find.  "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened."  Matthew 7:7-8.  

Are we asking, and if so, for what?  Are we seeking, and if we are searching, for what are we longing with the deepest recesses of our souls?  Are we knocking on the doors of our innermost being?  If we launch on such inquiries, we find that God is calling each of us to a special endeavor specifically intended for each of us.  God is inviting all of us to something extraordinary.  

God is at the door for each of us.  God is saying to every person, "I stand at the door and knock.  If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with Me."  Revelation 3:20.  Let us ask, seek and knock, and let us open the door to God when He knocks.  In asking, seeking, knocking, and answering the door when God knocks, let us become more than we have been.  Let us experience true happiness.  Amen.