On Wednesday last week, most of us monks returned here to the hermitage after being evacuated last month due to a wildfire. All monks, all staff and all other residents of the hermitage are uninjured, thanks be to God, and due to the vigilant hard work of firefighters, monks and hermitage staff. No buildings at the hermitage were damaged. Some of the land at the hermitage burned, some due to the fire spreading, some under controlled burns prudently set by firefighters to prevent the fire from proceeding further.
However, the fire station about two miles away--as the crow flies--did not hold up. As firefighters were struggling to contain the blaze, it overwhelmed them. They sheltered under their fire blankets. Although they were rescued, and even the one firefighter who had been in critical condition recovered, thanks be to God, the fire station was destroyed by the roaring flames.
We construct edifices, becoming confident of how they will be bulwarks that will save us from ruin. From what are we protecting ourselves? To achieve the purpose we intend, what we construct must be stronger than what we believe threatens us. Can we really protect ourselves? Are we supposed to protect ourselves, or make ourselves more vulnerable? By looking at our deficiencies, then we can address how we need to improve and so become who we are meant to be.
We are invited into awareness of who we are supposed to be when we are confronted by what threatens us. These past days, fires have been breaking out in places far and wide. They not only wreak destruction; they also call us to look at why they have broken out at all. They call to us to examine ourselves and see how we have been contributing to the crisis which has been endangering our lives.
Firestorms of violence have erupted these past days. George Floyd and Daniel Prude were killed by police officers; it is easy to imagine how Mr. Floyd and Mr. Prude could have been taken into custody more prudently than they were actually subdued. If I see another person as a threat, what does that perception say about me? It is vital to be aware of how we perceive another person: our perceptions of that person will guide how we treat them.
We can build fortresses of unwarranted assumptions about other people, assumptions we make because we feel they threaten our safety, and therefore that they will harm us. It is not that much further to conclude that we must then attack those other persons before they hurt us. We can easily do so without considering that they have been getting abused for years, decades, even centuries; we can proceed to continue such abuse without being aware we are perpetuating the very mistreatment we have condemned.
Convinced we need to protect ourselves, those we hurt sometimes quite reasonably conclude that they would do well to protect themselves from us. In our own eyes, we seem justified; in others' eyes, we may seem anything but justified, but rather we might seem like preemptive aggressors.
When we assume we must shield ourselves from harm, we are acting from insecurity. Why are we not confident in who we are? Not accepting who we are, feeling we are inadequate, we lash out by attacking others.
From this vantage point then, can we ever truly protect ourselves? Often when we find supposed problems in other people, we are merely projecting our own insecurities onto them. If the deficiencies are to be found in ourselves, then no amount of trying to extinguish perceived flaws in others will ever help us feel secure.
Indeed, if we are somehow falling short, we are the ones who are to look at ourselves. We need to take stock of what is in us that makes us uncomfortable, that leads us to feel inadequate and squirm because we feel we do not measure up to what we want to be or to how we feel we should be. As we embrace this duty, necessarily we are being called to become vulnerable. Unfortunately, rather than accept this duty, some people are so insecure that they lash out against others, sometimes violently so.
Yet the fundamental question remains for each and every one of us. When we are faced with the reality that we fall short somehow of being how we would like to be, that we are not as virile, not as strong, not as intelligent, not as resilient as we would like to be, that we are not as loved, admired or imitated as we would like, then we are presented with the decision whether we take out our dissatisfaction on those around us, or whether we examine why we are not closer to our ideals, and how we can achieve those aims.
After the visible fires were extinguished, fires still broke out. How did these fires erupt seemingly without any external cause? The roots of trees were burning. Due to the devastation on the inside, suddenly the outside became consumed through the intense heat that was brimming within.
Each and every one of us needs to carefully consider the attitudes, preconceptions and prejudices that we mistakenly believe keep us safe, but which in fact merely harbor hostility that seems to be simmering, that, unchecked and unaddressed, may boil over into violence toward our neighbor. If we are convinced we have no prejudices, whether with race or with some other concern, it is prudent to consult sources specially designed for that purpose, to help us look for a more objective answer, unsettling as it may be.*
As we conduct this crucial self-examination, we lay bare the core of our hearts. We aspire to open up to the light of day whatever stands in the way of our loving our neighbor. Painful as it is, we are called to die to all that is in us which we feel protects us, but will not save us, but only imperil us and our neighbor. The grain of our ego having fallen into the ground and died, then love can yield a rich harvest.**
Love springs up in abundance when all opposed to love in us dies. When fire ravages a forest, much carbon is left in the soil, which tremendously fuels new plant growth. As we die to that in us which impedes the free flow of love through us, then God pours into our hearts His love through the Holy Spirit.*** For this love to be poured into our hearts, we must cultivate our hearts for love.
To love our neighbor, we must love ourselves. To love ourselves, we must be honest with ourselves. To love our neighbor, we must see ourselves as we really are. Once we are looking at ourselves with all honesty, then we can consciously work to eliminate all that stands in the way of love. As we get out of the way, we make way for love.
* https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/
** John 12:24
*** Romans 5:5
