Call Of Joy

When God has our attention we are in a privileged moment.  Yet we panic since it might not seem clear to exactly what God is calling us.  Despite uncertainty about vocational specifics, we find comfort and joy knowing God is calling us.  

Recently I spoke with a retreatant who has been pursuing certain training in her field.  Yet now she is feeling a strong pull elsewhere.  She has been feeling consolation, warmth and support from other sources, causing her some anxiety.  

When we simply notice a call there is a tremendous blessing.  How many people trudge along with no inkling God is calling them elsewhere?  To hear, to listen, to respond are gifts.  So is going forward in faith, to which we are all called.  

Always Remember Death

Memento Mori.  Always remember death.  Let this reality echo in your soul to remind you of your mortality.  You do not know the day or the hour.*  You do not know when your time will come.  

When you get to the end of your life, what do you most want your life to have represented and produced?  What will have been the meaning of your life?  How can you live your life now so that you end up where you want to be?  What can you keep telling yourself now so you come to the end you desire?  How will you make sure you are constantly reminding yourself?  

We see the seeds of such a practice, of such incessant remembering, planted millenia ago, as those journeying through the desert were told, "You shall love the Lord, your God, with your whole heart, and with your whole being, and with your whole strength.  Take to heart these words which I command you today.**  Bind them on your arm as a sign and let them be as a pendant on your forehead.***  

Once they emerged from the desert into Israel, they took this injunction literally, making phylacteries, that is, little black boxes containing these and other words from the Torah.  They began the practice of literally clothing themselves in these words since they so value these words.  One type of phylactery is worn on the arm, hand and fingers.  Another kind of phylactery is affixed to the forehead.  

To make sure your life ends the way you want it to be, what words will you constantly keep in mind?  How will you remind yourself of these words?  How will you bind to yourself these guiding words?  

With my own eyes, I saw such a guide earlier this week.  As I was working in the bookstore, a man stood before me who I know to be pious, who lives his faith through his work, and in his prayer.  As he waited for his transaction to complete, I looked down and saw on his finger a ring with a skull on it.  I asked him, "Memento mori?"  He replied, "Yes."  

* Matthew 25:13; Mark 13:33 

** Deuteronomy 6:5-6 

*** Deuteronomy 6:8 

God Has Us In His Hands

In the last couple of weeks, I've gotten some schooling in moving from the idea to the reality.  A couple of friends of mine have been showing me how to approach adversity.  Truly they are living their faith.  They are putting into practice the words of Jesus that we hear today.  

In today's Gospel, the disciples are on the lake, but Jesus is asleep.  A storm is raging, threatening to sink the boat.  They frantically wake Jesus.  He rebukes the wind and the waves.  He says, "Be quiet and calm."  He tells the disciples they seem to have little faith.*  

I am imagining someone saying to me, "Sure, Martin, you're sitting around talking about faith when you're not going through anything challenging."  I would reply to such an objection, "OK, fine, I'll let those with faith speak who are facing great difficulties right now."   

An old friend I've known for nearly twenty years shared with me last week that his dear brother is in hospice.  At times my friend suddenly breaks into tears.  During this trial, my friend has simply said, "God has us in His hands."  That's not an idea of trust; that's real trust in God.  

Another dear friend, who I've also known for years, just found out he has cancer.  As he struggles with the implications of this serious diagnosis, he has related he is relying on God.  It's not a concept of turning to God.  He is choosing to depend on God amidst this major development.  

Both these friends truly trust God now at these critical junctures because for years they've watered the seeds of faith God planted in them.  Once the storms came, they knew faith isn't just a word.  Faith is the reality of the strength God gives us.  Through faith God empowers us to thrive.  

* Mark 4:35-41 

Have Life, And To The Full

In today's Gospel, we hear that Jesus came that we might have life, and have it to the full.*  What do we have to do, what's our part, so that we might have life to the full?  

God is inviting us into deeper life in all that happens.  In what we expect, what catches us off guard, what pleases us, what seems distasteful, God will work all of it for our good, if we but love Him.**

In what we find challenging, we might not understand the purpose of the circumstances in which we find ourselves. Here as always God calls us to trust in Him, to go forward in faith in Him.  

Once we've come out of difficult times, we are not merely to feel relief that we are no longer enduring such trials.  Surely we are to be grateful to God that we're through such tribulation.  

Yet upon emerging from such taxing tests, we do well to take stock of what lessons were just being presented to us.  What was God just trying to teach us?  Were we resisting it, or were we embracing it?  

Last week Highway 1 reopened a half dozen miles north of the hermitage, after being closed for three months due to collapse.  The road opens, yet do we find life in the road we've always taken?    

The way in front of us may be closed, or perhaps God is opening up a new way for us, or maybe God is showing us a way that has always been open to us.  What seems like misfortune may be a blessing.  

When the path is cleared, do we want to go back to going the way we used to go?  We may have evolved such that we no longer feel inclined to proceed the way we used to take.  

To the extent we embrace what God is trying to show us, we find true life.  God wants us to have life to the full, yet God leaves it up to us whether we accept the truth of His invitation.  

* John 10:10 

** Romans 8:28 

Be Brought Back To New Life

We can think we're dead, when we're just about to come back to life.  We can be convinced all is lost, when all is about to be found.  Our circumstances can seem horrible, but they might be the path of our transformation into who God has always intended us to be.  

Amongst the Christmas presents I received a couple of months ago, I received a plant.  It's a most unusual one, quite resilient, not needing to be watered.  I didn't even ensure it got much sunlight; I just placed it on the table near the window in my cell.  Nevertheless, as the weeks passed, slowly it grew, eventually blossoming from short green shoots into tall, red, wide open flowers.  

After about a month, the vivid red flowers wilted and shriveled, darkening to such a shade of purple that one could have misperceived it was black.  I'd figured its glory had come and gone.  Then in the last couple of weeks, I saw new bright red flowers budding out of it.  After not too long, they burst open, announcing the triumphant rebirth of this determined plant...  

As you can see, there are other points where the stalks which had been darkening are in fact lightening into a brighter green.  Under decay, growth springs up.  Through all that seems to shake us to our core, we are being called into new life.  

As we grapple with the coronavirus, as it brings us the social distancing and the lockdowns, as we struggle with the isolation and its attendant emotional and psychological and spiritual challenges, as we lose financial resources amidst the constrictions on the economy, through it all we are being invited to be remade.  In each of these changes in our lives, we are presented with chances to grow.  

Recently I was blessed to witness such remarkable personal transformation.  A friend of mine came to visit me here at the hermitage.  When he showed up, I saw that he had become quite slender.  He said that once the lockdown had set in and he was spending so much time at home, he kept looking at his exercise bike. He concluded it had been ridiculous how he had been using it as a clothes rack.  The clothes came off the bike, and he went onto the bike.  Each day he spent a little more time on the bike, gradually losing weight.  He embraced an opportunity brought by the virus to live more healthily and thus come closer to being who he has been meant to be.  

Another friend of mine is also seeing fruits of personal transformation due to his embracing the chances presented to him during this time of the virus.  He also came here less than a year ago, following a call to attend to his soul, to spend time in prayer and work and spiritual reading.  Having valued what he has had to learn on his spiritual journey, he has reached a point such that in less than half an hour, he is going to be baptized.  

We are coming into new growth not despite of all that besets us, but precisely because we are being given these marvelous chances which seem harrowing but truly are calls to rise up and become our true selves.  Fire may devastate the landscape, reducing much of the foliage to ashes, but do not forget that we came from ashes.  As we begin Lent, this Ash Wednesday, let us remember that before we return to ashes, we have many more deaths and rebirths waiting for us along the way, which are not mishaps but blessings.  

All may seem dead.  Yet when all seems lost, we are being given outstanding opportunities.  It is precisely when it seems that we have little reason to hope that we are invited to have faith.  When we go forward in faith, trusting in God, then God can work wonders through us, bringing us back to life.  In faith we are brought to new life.  

In The Midst of Trials, Trust To Receive More

In today's Gospel reading we heard about Jesus' disciples panicking since their boat is filling with water while they're out on the lake, while Jesus is sleeping in the boat.  They wake him, and he rebukes the storm and quiets the sea, bringing a great calm.  He questions them why they are terrified, and asks them if they still don't have faith.*  

This week in California we received heavy rain, including here on the Big Sur coast.  Such a deluge of rain fell that in one spot, about seven miles north of the hermitage, both lanes of Highway 1 fell out, rendering that section of road impassable.  The rain has ended, leaving stillness.  

In the midst of trying circumstances, we can fall apart.  Yet if we have faith, we are called to witness to that faith and to the sureness and confidence it gives us.  We can recall that God brought us through fire and water, but then brought us relief.**  

We get relief through trusting God because we love Him.  God brings us through trials for our own good because we love Him.***  If we love God, then we trust Him.  When we trust in God, then God can bring us through fire and water and all sorts of supposed disasters, and we emerge miraculously better off.

As I've noted before, we grow more when we are challenged than we do when we feel comfortable.  If we want to become more than we have been, then we should welcome tribulation and apparent mishaps when they befall us.  

With each and every situation, we are asked what we want to become as a result of it.  Do we want it to unfold for our good and the good of others?  If so, then trust that God will work it to our advantage.  As Jesus told Saint Faustina, the more we trust Him, the more we receive from Him.****  

* Mark 4:35-41 

** Psalm 66:12 

*** Romans 8:28 

**** Diary of Saint Faustina, 1578.  

Know How To Save A Life

WARNING: This blog post contains major spoilers for the film "It's A Wonderful Life."  

Gratitude leads us to prayer, which can help avoid disaster.  If we just realized the power of prayer, God could save us from so much.  And yet when we go through dire circumstances, we would do well to remember that Jesus suffered infinitely more than we ever have or ever will.  Knowing He is with us in our suffering, we can be encouraged in our faith, to pray boldly, with much gratitude.  

Receiving encouragement to gratitude and prayer, last night some of the other monks and I watched the 1946 film "It's A Wonderful Life."  Many know the film, and rightly so, as a call to gratitude, for those in our lives, for the many opportunities to love our neighbor.  However, in recent years I've come to see it also as a call to prayer.  

At the beginning of the film, celestial beings are discussing the plight of George Bailey, the main character in the film, who lives in the fictional town of Bedford Falls.  They are considering his current circumstances because so many people are sending up prayers for him.  They call Clarence, a junior angel, to familiarize him with George and his life before they send Clarence down to help George.  

Clarence learns that George has helped many people in life-altering, even life-saving ways.  George saved his younger, eight-year-old brother Harry from drowning.  Not too long later, he prevented his boss, the druggist Mr. Gower, from accidentally poisoning a young boy.  When George's father passed away, George postponed his plans to travel around the world so he could take over the Bailey Building and Loan Company, so that working-class people in town could get loans so they could live in respectable homes; if George had left, then the greedy Mr. Potter, the richest man in town, would have gotten rid of the Bailey business, forcing people to live in substandard housing.  Once Harry returned from college, he was married, with a lucrative job offer from his new father-in-law, so he didn't take over the Building and Loan Company.  George once again felt stuck, but in time he married beautiful, devoted Mary, and with more time, they had four kids.  

Coming to the end of the present day in the film, we find ourselves just before Harry's return home from the Second World War.  At that point, George's Uncle Billy misplaced eight thousand dollars, which would be over one hundred thousand dollars today.  George went home to Mary and his children, and was so disturbed that when he rushed out of the house, Mary picked up the telephone to alert many people that George was in trouble.  Her children were already gathered around her, asking her if they should pray for their father.  Their mother Mary replied that, yes, they should pray very hard.  George was so distraught that he was seriously considering committing suicide, and so Clarence is sent to save George.  

George discontentedly mutters that it would have been better if he had never been born.  Clarence consults with his superiors, and George's wish is granted.  Clarence shows George what would have happened if he had never been born.  

First he sees that his favorite neighborhood bar, where his friends had gently and tenderly cared for him, has become a business where his one friend Nick now works as a cold, heartless, cruel bartender.  In walks Mr. Gower, who, George learns, spent twenty years in prison, since George wasn't there to prevent him from inadvertently poisoning the young boy.  

Once he gets back to the center of town, George sees the town has been transformed for the worse.  It's no longer called Bedford Falls; now it's Pottersville, since Potter has totally taken it over.  Not only is the Building and Loan Company long gone, but debauchery is rampant; as George looks on, one of his former childhood friends, now belligerent and combative, is being dragged into a police vehicle.  He hails the cab his former friend Ernie is driving; once he's in it, Ernie tells him he's living in a slum, since the lovely home George had made possible through his loan has never existed.  Later George learns Uncle Billy was committed to an insane asylum when he lost his business.  His own mother doesn't recognize him since she never gave birth to him; she is cold and hardened, with none of the warmth and tenderness he had formerly received from her.  

Retreating from the center of town, George goes out and attempts to see the numerous homes he had made possible, which, of course, are not there; instead he finds a cemetery.  In it he sees the grave of his brother Harry.  George declares it's a lie, that Harry Bailey went to war, shot down two enemy planes that were about to crash into two transports, and thus saved many lives.  Clarence explains that Harry wasn't there to save them, since George hadn't been there to save Harry.  Then Clarence says to George, "You see, George, you really had a wonderful life."  Still George persists; he urges out of Clarence the whereabouts of Mary, whom he finds, and who, of course, also does not recognize him.  George rushes back to the bridge where he had been considering committing suicide, but now he is begging God, earnestly telling God that he wants to live again, desperately imploring God to let him live again.  Grateful, George is restored to life.  

We can fail to appreciate God's many blessings.  We can focus on what we don't have instead of what do we have.  Yet when we pay attention to what we do have, then we are grateful.  

Gratitude gives birth to generosity.  Gratitude feeds compassion.  If we are grateful, we'll take care of those in our lives.  When others are in need, since we are grateful, we'll help them.  

To recognize the need of another person, we need to keep our eyes open.  Then we need to embrace the duty of the present moment.  

I have learned these lessons in tragic ways.  Ten years ago I was in a park with a group of friends.  At one point I was walking along with Bob, who was the friend of a friend.  He was silent.  I asked him how he was.  Literally, never at any other point in my life have I ever felt such unspoken darkness from another human being.  He did not reply.  A few days later I heard that he had committed suicide.  

In the many e-mails that were exchanged in our social circle as we struggled with the reality that Bob had taken his own life, a friend of mine asked, "Where was Clarence?"  He was referring to the guardian angel in the movie "It's A Wonderful Life," who appeared to save George Bailey from committing suicide.  I sent a group e-mail to those in our social circle, pointing out that in that movie, many people were praying for George.  In contrast, I asked how many of us had been praying for Bob before he committed suicide.  A crowd was storming Heaven on behalf of George Bailey because his wife Mary had urged them to pray for him; I had reason to know that Bob was in trouble, but I did and said nothing.  

On the Feast Day of the Guardian Angels, back on October 2 this year, this blog post had occurred to me, yet I said nothing.  Now I am conveying it to you.  Yes, there are angels.  Yes, they have jobs to do.  We also have jobs to do.  One of our jobs is to pray.  Prayer is power.  Power is exerted when it is used.  If you don't use your hand to pick up a telephone off of a table, it remains on the table; if someone else doesn't come along and hand it to you, you won't get it.  If you don't pray, and if no one else does, no request is made.  

We are called to care for each other, including by praying for each other.  We are not without models to follow.  Jesus came and cared for us.  We follow Him by caring for each other.  

Some of us could point out that we have not been well taught in caring for each other since we have not had exemplary families.  Earlier this year I met a woman who asked me how to cope with a parent who inflicted trauma and who continues to inflict trauma.  Twenty years ago when I made a new friend, she told me that as a young girl, she watched until her father beat her mother until her mother was bloody.  

Yet when we have been mistreated, we do well to keep in mind that often those who have abused others were themselves gravely injured.  A couple days ago I received a letter from someone I met years ago.  Back soon after I met him, repeatedly I heard that he hit his cohabitant very hard.  Then in this letter from him last week, he told me that he is still grappling with the reality that his father killed his mother.  

Knowing of his emotional and psychological wounds, I became compassionate toward him.  Learning of his deep scars, I was brought out of myself and into communion with him.  

We are called to solidarity with our neighbors in their suffering.  They are not to be left alone, and we must remember we are not alone in our tribulations, when we feel tortured and agonized.  In Jesus, Mary and Joseph we not only find our models.  In them we also find spiritual family members who share and feel our pain because they too felt such anguish.  

In Mary, Joseph and all the Saints, we find our spiritual family members who are waiting for us to call out.  If we simply ask them to intercede with Our Father in Heaven and with His Son Jesus, they will pray for us and thus show us the love they have for us as our spiritual family members.  

A couple days ago we celebrated the Feast of the Holy Family, the family of Jesus, Mary and Joseph.  That day at Mass we heard of Mary and Joseph taking Jesus to the Temple to present Him to the Lord God.  At the Presentation, Simeon, an elderly devout man, prophesied that Jesus was destined for the fall and the rise of many, and that a sword would pierce Mary's soul too.*  A sword pierced Mary's soul partly because her Son, though he would never sin, was put to death.  He was condemned to death although He was innocent.  

Jesus stands with those who are murdered yet are guiltless.  Today we honor the Feast of the Holy Innocents, those boys two years old and younger in Bethlehem, who King Herod ordered murdered, as he attempted to wipe out Jesus, who had been born in Bethlehem, The One who would become King.**    

It is often asked how God can exist when innocent people are victims of tragedies.  When we are crying out in disbelief over how God can allow such catastrophes to occur, let us not doubt the love of God.  God let His own innocent Son die.  God let His guiltless Son die to save us, because God infinitely loves us.  God loves us limitlessly because God made an infinite sacrifice for us: God, the Divine, is infinite; God sacrificed His Son, who is Divine and thus infinite, for us; God's sacrifice for us is infinite and never-ending.  

God's love is greater than any catastrophe that befalls us.  The Holy Innocents died as King Herod ordered their massacre.  God gives us free will.  Unfortunately, some people misuse the free will God has given us.  God takes the risk, that free will might be used inappropriately, because God loves us.  Love does not force itself on another.  

God also takes the chance of the improper use of free will because tremendous good can ultimately come out of this situation.  Here we delve into mysteries which will not be fully revealed to us this side of Heaven.  For now we are called to trust that through these perilous waters we will be strengthened.  Now we see what we are; what we will be has not yet been revealed to us.***    

In the end it comes down to what we believe.  Belief is crucial.  What you believe determines what you pray.  What you pray decides the result.  We reap what we sow.  

When we fail to pray, tragedy unfolds.  By contrast, we avert tremendous suffering when we pray.  

In our prayer, or lack of prayer, we determine the course of events.  Simply in being grateful, we are transformed.  Having become grateful, we are more likely to pray.  Being more prone to pray, we are more likely to be turning to God in all circumstances, including in rather trying situations.  Turning to God, and enlisting others to petition God, together through our prayer God delivers us.  God transforms the world through our prayer.  

* Luke 2:22-35 

** Matthew 2:16 

*** 1 John 3:2 

Thank God Constantly For The Love God Shows Us Through Our Faith

Abundance flows in all our steps.  Thank God in all circumstances,* since God's blessings endlessly proliferate.  

On Thanksgiving Day, in his homily Father Cyprian noted that we can be thankful in various ways.  We can be grateful that worse circumstances have not befallen us.  Right now, thanks be to God that the coronavirus is before us and not anything more devastating, nor an additional, much more threatening challenge; this spiritual dynamic is easy to perceive here at the hermitage, given how, thanks be to God, no one here was injured during the recent wildfire, nor how any structures were damaged in that fire which erupted in the midst of the coronavirus.  

In his homily, Father Cyprian also noted that in a much more profound sense we can thank God for the spiritual blessings He bestows on us.  Thanks be to God that He gives us faith in Him.  Through this faith, God strengthens us in the hope we have in His promise of what is to come.  God motivates us through this faith to love Him** and to love one another.***  Having faith, we are empowered by God to open our hearts to receive His love He pours into our hearts through the Holy Spirit.****

As we open our hearts to God, we are grateful to God that our hearts are open.  Although current circumstances may feel challenging, thank God for what is happening right now.  Often we are not able to see the good that God is working through all that is happening right now, the good that He works for all who love Him.*****  Trust is an indispensable bulwark to going forward in faith in God.  

What do we think is happening right now?  There is what is happening that we cannot see.  There is what we do, in which we can make seen the unseen.  In our choices, we can be the pathways through which God makes manifest that which could not be seen, yet which can be seen if we consent to cooperate.  If we embrace the faith God has given us, God makes His love manifest through us, and thus we give constant thanks to God.  

* 1 Thessalonians 5:18 

** Deuteronomy 6:5; Deuteronomy 10:12; Matthew 22:37; Mark 12:30; Luke 10:27 

*** Matthew 22:39; Mark 12:31; Luke 10:27; Leviticus 19:18; Romans 13:9; Galatians 5:14 

**** Romans 5:5 

***** Romans 8:28 

God Does Much With The Faith He Gives Us

 The Kingdom of God is like a mustard seed, small when it is sown, but when it is fully grown, it becomes a large bush providing much shelter.  The Kingdom of God is like yeast mixed with flour so that it causes bread to rise.*    

We might think it seems like God is not working through us.  Faith is a seed.  Faith is like yeast.  If we believe, going forward trusting in God, embracing the faith God gives us, God can feed many through the bread God makes with our faith.  

* Luke 13:18-21  

Blessed Are The Poor In Spirit

Blessed are the poor in spirit.*  If we are poor this way, God lives in us.  God is all we need, and we have all we need.  Satisfied, we rest content and glory in our littleness, since through it God is glorified.  

Today at Mass we heard the testimony of Job.  As we well know, Job had lost everything.  As we are less aware, Job was dwelling in that place of confidence in God, even in the midst of disaster.  

Job seemed to have nothing.  Having lost all that could be seen, Job faced the most fundamental choice.  Embracing his nothingness, his inability to help himself, Job expressed his assurance as he adored God.  

Sure of who God is, Job proclaimed, "I know my Redeemer lives."**  Even in the midst of what seems to be total loss, Job declared his unshaken faith in God.  

Today at Mass, Father Cyprian said that Job lived in spiritual poverty, just as did Saint Therese of Lisieux, whose feast day we celebrate today.  Both realized in darkness, we are blessed if we are poor in spirit.  

For months at the end of her life, Saint Therese of Lisieux related the darkness that mocked her, telling her after death it would be still darker.  Yet Therese, in her littleness, went on in faith in God.  

God calls us to embrace our littleness.  Therese went further, writing, "What pleases Him is that He sees me loving littleness and poverty."***  As we find ourselves poor, we can love how we must rely on Him.  

If we love how God made us, poor and little, we embrace the will of God.  If we welcome what others might see as only tragic events, we can ever more become the children trusting in God He made us to be.  

In the midst of the coronavirus, beset by fire, we can accept what our present circumstances have to teach us.  Like little children, we can trust that Our Father is loving us, since He is love.****  

* Matthew 5:3 

** Job 19:25 

*** "The Story Of A Soul," Saint Therese of Lisieux.   

**** 1 John 4:8,16 

Rise Above By Remaining In Jesus

Earlier this week we heard at Mass how Jesus meets us in the challenges we face.  He invites us, through Him, to rise above what would drag us down.  

In the Gospel that day, we were reminded that 

Jesus made the disciples get into a boat

and precede Him to the other side of the sea, 

while He dismissed the crowds.  

After doing so, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray.  

When it was evening He was there alone.  

Meanwhile the boat, already a few miles offshore, 

was being tossed about by the waves, for the wind was against it.  

During the fourth watch of the night, 

He came toward them, walking on the sea.  

When the disciples saw Him walking on the sea 

they were terrified.  

"It's a ghost," they said, and they cried out in fear.  

At once Jesus spoke to them, "Take courage, it is I; 

do not be afraid."  

Peter said to Him in reply, "Lord, if it is you, 

command me to come to You on the water."  

He said, "Come."  

But when he saw how strong the wind was 

he became frightened; 

and, beginning to sink, he cried out, "Lord, save me!"  

Immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, 

and said to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?"  

After they got into the boat, the wind died down.  

Those who were in the boat did Him homage, saying, 

"Truly, You Are the Son of God."  

After making the crossing, they came to land at Gennesaret.  

When the men of that place recognized Him, 

they sent word to all the surrounding country.  

People brought to Him all those who were sick

and begged Him 

that they might touch only the tassel on His cloak, 

and as many as touched it were healed.*  

Jesus sent the disciples out onto the sea.  God knows what is going to happen.  God lets us go through trials.  We go through fire and water.**  Through tribulation we are tested.  At times we are refined, but not like silver, rather in a furnace of affliction.***  At other times, God tries us as silver is tried in fire,**** polishes us like silver, to become ever more beautiful.  In all that tries us, God is giving us oil to make our faces shine.*****  Through all that tests us, God makes us more luminous because God is strengthening us. In giving us the grace to do what we could not do ourselves, God is thus glorified.  As God is glorified through us, we become more beautiful, because we are reflecting the magnificence of God.  

Of course the disciples probably were not thinking thus in the midst of their rowing across the sea as they were being tossed by the waves.  So often, we do not think about the benefits God is bestowing on us as we are enduring hardship.  

When the disciples saw Jesus, they fearfully cried out.  Indeed, we can become so absorbed in the struggle that we do not even recognize Jesus, that we forget that Jesus is with us always.******  

Jesus is not only there with us every moment as we are being tested; He is there for us to step toward Him in faith, as frightening and impossible as that may seem to us through our impaired vision.  He bids us come to Him as He bid Peter to come to Him.  

Peter sank because he took his eyes off Jesus.  He started focusing on the wind instead of on Jesus, and consequently he gave into fear.  When we take our eyes off of Jesus, we sink.  

Jesus wants us to rise above what would drag us down, to remain above it all by keeping focused on Him, by fixing our attention so much on Him that we remain in Him and He remains in us.*******  If we remain in Him and He remains in us, we will stay above all that would pull us down since we totally trust in Him.  

We remain in Him, we abide in Him and He abides in us, when we live in faith.  If we embrace the gift of faith that God has planted in us, we will remain above all that would drag us down.  

In the midst of these challenging days of the coronavirus, how are we responding?  Someone asked me if I have been praying for a cure for the coronavirus.  Sure, it's well and good to pray for a cure for the coronavirus and for all that threatens our physical health.  

However, if all we do is pray for a medical cure, it's tantamount to saying to God only, "God, get me out of this situation that is such a problem."  It's implicitly telling God that we're not interested in how God wants us to learn and grow through the coronavirus.  

We can only cry out for God to catch us so we don't sink.  When waves threaten to drown us, we can pray not only that we not be engulfed by the waves.  Frankly, though, if we nurture and cultivate the gift of faith that God has given us, we're not going to be desperately crying out to God.  If we embrace the gift of faith that God has given us, we're going to be calmly and confidently turning to God for the strengthening and sustenance and grace that we're sure God is going to give us, and that God is already giving us.  

We can prepare for such challenging times in advance.  We can decide ahead of time how we want to respond.  We can visualize in our mind's eye being in the midst of a storm and feeling assured of God's support of us.  We can envision the storm raging around us as we serenely step toward Jesus, having already chosen to keep our eyes on Jesus.  

We turn to God.  God reaches to us.  God holds us up.  

* Matthew 14:22-36 

** Psalm 66:12 

*** Isaiah 48:10 
****Psalm 66:10 

***** Psalm 104:15 

****** Matthew 28:20 

******* John 15:4, 5, 6, 7 

Give Them Something To Eat Yourselves

God feeds us.  We become more.  Through us God feeds our neighbor.  

We see pain and feel it.  God feels it.  

We cry out, praying to God.  God hears us.  

We can get stuck crying out.  We are empowered to do more.  God wishes more done in us.

We call out.  Yet God seeks more from us.  We seek food.  God wants us feeding each other.  

In today's Gospel, we hear that, when Jesus received the news that John the Baptist had been beheaded, 

he withdrew in a boat to a deserted place by himself.
The crowds heard of this and followed him on foot from their towns.
When he disembarked and saw the vast crowd,
his heart was moved with pity for them, and he cured their sick.
When it was evening, the disciples approached him and said,
“This is a deserted place and it is already late;
dismiss the crowds so that they can go to the villages
and buy food for themselves.”
Jesus said to them, “There is no need for them to go away;
give them some food yourselves.”
But they said to him,
“Five loaves and two fish are all we have here.”
Then he said, “Bring them here to me,”
and he ordered the crowds to sit down on the grass.
Taking the five loaves and the two fish, and looking up to Heaven,
he said the blessing, broke the loaves,
and gave them to the disciples,
who in turn gave them to the crowds.
They all ate and were satisfied,
and they picked up the fragments left over—
twelve wicker baskets full.
Those who ate were about five thousand men,
not counting women and children.*  

The disciples realized the need of the crowds.  The disciples asked Jesus to send the crowds away so they could go get something to eat.  The disciples saw, but with their physical senses and functions, rather than with the eyes of faith.  The disciples did not realize how Jesus wished to feed the crowds.  The disciples did not realize Jesus wanted to feed them as well as the crowds.  

Jesus proceeded to multiply the five loaves of bread and the two fish, so that the thousands were fed with what at first seemed to be so little food.  In the multiplication of the loaves and the fishes, we see a prefiguring of the Eucharist, of Jesus' giving of Himself, His sacrifice of Himself.**  

When the disciples asked Jesus to send the crowds away, He told the disciples to give the crowds something to eat themselves.  Jesus wanted to feed the crowds through the faith of the disciples.  

In our faith, we feed each other.  When we embrace our faith, God works through us.  Jesus could have said to the disciples, "Give them something to eat: yourselves."  

When we give of ourselves, we feed our neighbor.  When we offer ourselves as sacrifices, we join our sacrifice with the sacrifice of Jesus.  In the Eucharist, the sacrifice of Christ becomes also the sacrifice of the members of the Body of Christ.***  

When we partake of the Body and the Blood of Christ, we become what we receive.****  When we receive the Eucharist, we become Eucharist.  Having become Eucharist, we can be Eucharist to each other.  Jesus, in us, feeds our neighbor through us.  

As we embrace this mystery, we consent to the growth of the faith in us.  As we see with the eyes of faith, we invite God to work through us.  

Jesus was not telling the disciples not to bother him, to give the crowds something to eat themselves since He was not going to give the crowds something to eat.  Nor was He going to simply give the crowds something to eat.  

Rather Jesus wanted not only to feed the crowds with food, but feed the faith of those present.  He was beginning to tell us that we feed each other when we give of ourselves.  

Right now many people are starving, some for food.  Others are starving because they feel discouraged or hopeless in the face of the challenges that the coronavirus has brought, social distancing, lockdown, loss of income, inability to pay bills, including rent, lack of money to buy food, not being able to visit sick family members and friends.  

In your faith, in the faith that God has given you, you can help provide the hope that some need.  Through your faith, you can strengthen the weak, those who are collapsing on the way.  You can be given; you can be Eucharist to your neighbor.  God can give life through you.  

* Matthew 14:13-21

** The Catechism of the Catholic Church 1335.  

*** The Catechism of the Catholic Church 1368.  
**** Saint Pope Leo the Great, Sermo 12 de Passione, 3, 6-7, PL 54, 355-357.  

Out Of So Little, Much Good Can Come

A worm has been on my mind.  It's been crawling around in my head.  I can't get it out of my head.  We speak of earworms, songs that get stuck in your head.  In a similar sense, this worm has been on my mind, so perhaps it's a mindworm.  

Earlier this year I read about how scientists had determined that all animal life there has ever been on earth has been suspected to have been evolved from a certain species of worm that lived 555 million years ago.  Once I heard of this worm, it has seemed that the knowledge of this worm has been echoing, over hundreds of millions of years, after burrowing down into the earth, bringing forth to light the truth that much comes what seems to be so little.  

I imagine God saying to this worm, "I have great plans for you.  From you are going to come fish and lizards and elephants and giraffes and apes and all kinds of creatures that creep and crawl and swarm all over the earth."  

Of course the worm was not able to think as we think.  But if it could, and if this conversation were to occur, I would expect it would respond something like, "But I am nothing.  I am a nobody.  I can do next to nothing."  

In this littleness, in this next-to-nothingness, in this humility there is wisdom.  The worm would see itself as it is.  

The worm was also exactly what God called it to be.  It wasn't trying to be something else.  The worm was embracing what God made it to be.  When we are who and what God makes us to be, we give praise to God.  

In the question the worm would ask, there would be openness.  When we ask, we invite an answer.  When we ask, we are interested in finding out what we do not know, what we cannot see or find out on our own.  

An angel told Our Blessed Mother Mary that she would give birth to Jesus.  Our Blessed Mother Mary asked how this could be so, since she had not had relations with a man.  God, through the angel, told her what she could not know on her own, that the Holy Spirit would come upon her.*  

Having asked what we could not know through our own efforts, having been answered and empowered with the knowledge of who we can become, we are then faced with the choice of who we decide to become.  God invites us to become so much more than we have been.  God asks us if we would like Him to perform miracles through us.  For miracles, we need faith.  

Our Blessed Mother Mary embraced the message of the angel by going forward in faith.  She responded to the angel, "You see before you the handmaid of the Lord: let it be done to me according to Your Word."**  

And so a peasant girl, obscure, unknown, passed over, ignored by many around her, became much more.  In her lowliness, she was lifted up.  Having gone forward in faith, now hundreds of millions of people beseech her, that she may pray for them, and through her, God works countless miracles.  

God wants to work through us for the good of us, for those around us.  God invites us into much more than what we have seen.  We can be much more than we have been.  We are so much more than what our current circumstances show us.  

We are trudging along in what seems to us like drudgery.  In these days of the coronavirus which might seem to be moving along so slowly, we may feel like we are crawling through something like mud, through a murky, filthy slime, the challenging morass of a virus which seems to disable us in so many ways.  

In what seems meaningless, we might be situated very well to become so much more than we have been.  Rather than mislead ourselves into believing that we are doing nothing of much worth, instead if we ask and pray and remain open, God might work wonders through us, miracles that we never would have imagined, if we merely go forward in faith in Him.  

* Luke 1:31-35 

** Luke 1:38 

The Next Step

Earlier this month, on a gloriously sunny Sunday, punctuated by clear blue skies, one of the monks here at the hermitage, Brother James, made his profession of simple vows, that is, temporary vows.  After a year as a postulant and then a year as a novice monk, he vowed, or promised, that for the next three years, he will keep living as a monk in this community.

He vowed that he will continue living a life of poverty, chastity and obedience.  Insofar as this is a community of Benedictine monks, and all Benedictine monks also make a vow of stability to a particular monastery, he is also agreeing to live as a member of this particular monastic community here at this specific hermitage.

In this life of poverty, no monk is earning money to keep for himself.  In Chapter 33 of the Rule of Saint Benedict, Saint Benedict directs monks to hold all property in common, aspiring to emulate the Apostles of Jesus Christ who, as is described in Acts 4:32, freely shared their property with each other.

Chastity requires refraining from sexual activity, but it entails much more than simply abstaining from sexual relations.  A chaste person holds people and possessions in right relation with himself or herself.  One who is chaste respects other individuals and property; he or she properly treats persons and things.

Obedience is reflected in various ways.  One is called to be obedient to God.  A monk is required to show obedience to the prior, or head, of the monastery.  Yet as Father Cyprian, the prior, noted in his homily the day Brother James made his profession of simple vows, a monk vows obedience to the other monks of the community, as Chapter 71 of the Rule of Saint Benedict instructs. 

I found compelling and moving Brother James' profession of simple vows.  It was powerful to witness him, before a church full of people, including much of his extended biological family, vowing to keep living a life of poverty, chastity, obedience and stability in this hermitage for another three years. 

And what is the next step for me?  Whether or not it is a day on which I take a big step, every day presents many little steps, or choices, or decisions, for me.  Each day I am presented with opportunities which have the potential to help whittle down my ego.  The more we relinquish our conceptions of ourselves and let go of our own ideas, and the less we insist on being right and the less we cling to our perceptions of situations, the more we can give to God.  To draw closer to God, we have to unlearn what we think we know.  We must have the humility to realize that there is a great deal which we have been getting wrong and which we do not know. 

A person could easily become quite uncomfortable when faced with these types of psychological demands which are entailed in dismantling one's defense mechanisms.  One must be courageous to persist in such a spiritual endeavor.  Yet a person becomes less anxious in the midst of such otherwise unnerving challenges if he or she remembers that God is always faithful and without a doubt will be true to His Word.  He will help us draw closer to Him. 

Thus the question really becomes one of what I want.  In discerning whether I take the next step, whether I continue in this monastic life, I recall how one of the new monks here framed this very question evaluating whether to keep living this monastic life: "Do I like the changes which are taking place in me?"  One could rephrase this question so that one inquires, "Do I like the work which God is doing in me?"  Alternatively one could ask, "Do I like who I am becoming?" 

In posing these questions, and in responding how we do, we are choosing how we shape our eternal destiny.  Therefore, I assert that each and every one of us everyday should be asking ourselves such questions. 

My Mom Visited!

My mom came to visit!  I was so glad to be able to share with her this monastic life here at the hermitage.

I was especially glad that she could experience life here at the hermitage given that, before she met my dad, she was a nun for three years.  She was a Discalced Carmelite, in the tradition of Saint Teresa of Avila, Saint John of the Cross and Saint Therese of Lisieux.  

Discalced Carmelite nuns are strictly cloistered: they are separated from the public.  Thus they remain inside the walls of the cloister, the boundary of the monastery, for more silence and solitude, to facilitate communion with God; they live a predominantly contemplative life.  They leave the monastery only for unavoidable necessities such as a doctor's appointment or a dentist's appointment.  Consequently, it has not been uncommon for Discalced Carmelite nuns to stay inside the cloister for years at a time.  

Simultaneously, adding to the spiritual rigor inherent in a life of being so separated from the world, often they also do not have contact with those who come to their monasteries.  Thus when guests come to such a monastery to pray in the chapel, the nuns are not speaking with them.  Often such a community will have an extern nun who regularly goes out to run errands, but such a person might be the only such person within such a strictly cloistered community.  

Some Discalced Carmelite communities have lessened the degree to which they are separated from the world.  Others remain strictly cloistered.  Each community lives out its faith depending on the spiritual life they feel called by God to lead.

So, my mom was coming here to the hermitage, viewing and assessing the life here, from her previous consecrated religious life as a strictly cloistered Discalced Carmelite.  In contrast, the life here at the hermitage is not as stringent.

It is true that the monks and I are generally here at the hermitage.  However, the monks and I leave the hermitage when we go on an outing of some sort as part of our monthly recreation day.  Any of us might leave now and then to get things done in town, that is, Carmel or Monterey or Salinas or elsewhere.  There is a particular monk here who, every week, drives to these towns and gets things done.  But any of us might go to town perhaps once a month to go to doctors' appointments, purchase things we need, or pick up or drop off an arriving or departing guest or traveling monk.  

Thus I drove to San Jose to pick up my mom when she landed in San Jose.  Since Casa de Clara, the Catholic Worker House where I lived and worked for a few months in the latter half of last year, is so close to the airport, I got to take her to Casa de Clara.  She met my friends who are the Catholic Workers there, as well as the women who, rather than being homeless, live there as they earn and save money in preparation to move out into their own apartments.  My mom was glad that she got to visit Casa de Clara, since she is familiar with the biography and writings of Dorothy Day, who founded the Catholic Worker movement.  I was happy that I was able to take my mom there after picking her up from the airport, a benefit of the particular approach to the contemplative life which we follow here at the hermitage.  

Just as life here at the hermitage does not entail staying here as much as my mom stayed in the monastery when she was a nun, so too the lifestyle of this hermitage involves more contact with visitors than she had as a Discalced Carmelite.  People come and stay here overnight.  They might ask us questions in the church or in the bookstore or in the retreat house, which is one place where they stay here.  Even longer than that, guests here sometimes receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation, that is, Confession, from one of the monks who, of course, is also a priest.  A guest might also choose to receive spiritual direction from a monk when she or he is here.  Other guests spend even more time with the monks when such guests attend preached retreats here: over a weekend, such guests attend a series of a few seminars and/or workshops on various spiritual topics.  These preached retreats are given by monks and also by oblates, who are lay people belonging to the Camaldolese Congregation who have vowed to follow the spiritual practices of the Camaldolese.

Additionally, at the hermitage, employees not only work here, but many of them live here.  Consequently, we not only have daily contact with, but much more importantly, receive indispensable support from, friends and loved ones here who are not monks and who are not on the path to becoming monks.

With all this contact with those who are not monks, my mom found this lifestyle here to be feasible, in comparison with the lifestyle she led as a strictly cloistered Discalced Carmelite.  I cherished hearing her perceptions of life here.

I was also glad that she was able to come here on Mother's Day!  It was marvelous to have her here at all, and her visit became even more special given that she was able to be here on Mother's Day.  I am so blessed by God, including through my mother's visit here.  I am looking forward to my family and friends visiting again as I spend more time here.